Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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