I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
