It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
