ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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