Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
