How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
