Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
