we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
