Tell her she can't have a vagina
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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