she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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