just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
