I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
