Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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