just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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