This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Are my feet made of real feet?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize