I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I think my vagina is haunted
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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