His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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