No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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