Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
