So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
