sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
