I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize