So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
