is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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