Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
