could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
