I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
