OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
