Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
