Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
