He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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