some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
