I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
