Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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