too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
