umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
