The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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