Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
