I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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