I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
