do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
