There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
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