hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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