What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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