'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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