I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize