pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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