You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
