ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
