he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize