Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
