Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She bit a glass in half.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
