Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize