I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
