Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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