I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
