Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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