Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
