Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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