All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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