I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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