The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
