96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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