there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
