you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just pee around me
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
