My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
