I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
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